Archive | October, 2014

Dusting Off

30 Oct

Yesterday was brutal. After the post I wrote, I continued to struggle emotionally. Then, more “terrible-awful” got tacked on to the day: I found out I didn’t get a gig I auditioned for and got into a useless fight with one of my bosses which ended my time at that job.

Each individual occurrence is normally manageable; but when things come in threes and all within the span of three hours I am less equipped.

Then a funny thing happened; I took a shower. This in itself is not super unusual or funny, but yesterday I really needed it. I sat under the hot water and cried, not uncontrollably and not for long but just enough to be done. The water actually and metaphorically changed the tide.

It was as though the large amount of bad cancelled itself out. When I arrived at my other job, a place I love with people who make me constantly smile I was so ready to laugh. It wasn’t the smoothest night of bar tending but over the course of the evening, for each problem I found a mini resolution.

For the fight with my friend I had other friends, tons of them, sending me sweet, encouraging and loving texts. I was reminded that not only do I have a lot of friends, I am the lucky girl who has a lot of friends who are like family. Really good friends are in my corner through everything (my comedy friend included even if we hit a bump yesterday). It doesn’t stop the hurt of what was said in the fight, but it redefined what the day was about for me. Now it was about my other friends and family and not just him.

For the audition I didn’t get, I spoke to some people who also didn’t get cast and a few who did and realized we will all just audition again and sometimes it is my time and sometimes it is not. The cuckoo thing is that if that had been the only thing that happened yesterday it would have rolled off much smoother. I think this was a case of feeling overwhelmed and needing something positive and only having more garbage fall from the sky. This one was easy to move forward from when I singled it out and took some time to think about it.

As for the job and my now former boss. I wanted to be done for a long time. I was staying out of loyalty, love for the bar and the people that became my regulars. I was constantly sad to watch that ship sinking and it was time to exit even if I didn’t feel ready in that moment. I wish it had gone down another way, but I suppose I should have known that when things are out of control and someone is floundering, they will rarely handle things rationally. How did I get over this? Well I went to my other job where my wonderful boss informed me that he needed me on the nights I had freeing up. Then I worked my tokhis off and made four times the amount I would have made at the other bar. I’ll say that again because it feels good: four times as much.

When I arrived home at 4am I was tired and content. I snuggled up with my critters who reminded me as always that I am missed. I got into bed knowing I had turned things around, and not because anything was actually resolved or different, but just because I decided I was good. It took a little time to get there and I’m sure I’ll slip again, but this was a proud moment for me to see how much I’ve grown and how capable I am of handling anything. Sometimes that’s a reminder worth suffering for.


Crumbling Down

29 Oct

I’m not good at keeping all my juggling balls in the air when I’m sad. I am incredibly capable of accomplishing amazing feats when I get on a fast track and my mind is clear. Days like today I feel my success slipping through my fingers.

I got into a fight this morning with one of my closest comedy friends and he ended up saying some things that have cut me to my core. Now I have to write in my blog, shower, grocery shop, eat, get ready for work and bartend all night and I can barely think straight. This is on me now. I’m supposed to say that words don’t matter and have enough self love to at least keep moving for the day. How does someone reach that point? This isn’t a love interest or a boyfriend, those people I can brush off and move away from with my head held high. This was a friend. This was someone I didn’t see coming and I’m done for the day.

I need to write 6 more blog posts today. I must smile while I serve cocktails at a fundraiser. I have to take in stride any other bad news that comes my way. I don’t want to. I can and I will; but I don’t want to.

I just want to be seen and heard. I want to be able to say, “you are hurting my feelings” and have that not get turned on me. We all have our baggage and things get ugly when it all collides with other people’s stuff.

I have talked to multiple people in an effort to bounce back and the truth is that this one is going to take some time. So there is my blog post. I have to march forward and keep working towards my goal, but I couldn’t possibly write about anything else right now.

Top Five Cheeses

28 Oct

Who can believe I haven’t covered this topic yet?! Hanging out with my best friend John I asked him to choose a top five list for me to write about today. His response was, “best cheeses” but in such a matter of fact way I felt as though I had let him down for not thinking of it myself. We sit now in his kitchen while he cooks and I write as we debate our cheese MVP’s.

Our lists are similar if not exactly the same as we do much of our explorative eating together and have pondered the matter many times before. We had no trouble with the top two, but when thinking about three, four and five realized there were so many we love and want to mention. John sums this up perfectly when he says, “Cheeses are like NFL Quarterbacks; once you get past the top three or four there is not as big a difference in the greatness of them.”

We got there though and I think I originally imagined this list would have a lot more rare cheeses on it, but when thought through it made sense to have the winners be the everyday heroes of the cultured dairy world.

5. Fresh Mozzarella- The key here is that it be fresh. All mozzarella is delicious, but the stuff sitting behind the glass in a supermarket Caprese would not have made this list. For anyone who hasn’t tried high quality fresh sliced mozzarella, go now. Read no further. You have one objective, get too it and thank me later.

4. Cheddar- It’s cheddar cheese. Seriously.

3. Swiss- This remains my favorite sandwich cheese, it adds a unique flavor that reminds me there is cheese. I get anxiety when I forget that there is cheese in my food.

My theory is that swiss cheese has holes in it because it is so tasty it self mutilates out of guilt. It knows it needs there to be bites where I hit a hole and have minimal swiss so that the other ingredients can have their moment. So if that is the case I will also give swiss bonus points for being the most philanthropic cheese.

2. Smoked gouda- Oh dear pooh bear, just writing about it is getting me all uppity. The smoky flavor, the smooth melt in your mouth texture, the lingering aftertaste like a scrumptious campfire. If this is on a platter at an event, I will consume most or all of it. I cannot be stopped.

John also brought up the incredibly brilliant point that this is the best “smothering cheese”. That is to say that melt this over a food until said food can no longer be seen under it’s smokey coagulated blanket. Heck, I would smother just about anything in smoked gouda. Good ideas are happening today.

1. Goat cheese- This was a tough call as this one is nearly tied with number two if not perfectly matched. I deemed this the best, in part because of how often I consume it. This is one of my magic ingredients which, if seen on a menu, I will almost always order the dish it comes on (other magic ingredients include capers and artichokes).

Also, it comes in log form. I think more delicious foods should come in log form, it’s truly wonderful.

Also: I am not allowed to purchase said logs. I learned long ago that I cannot be trusted once it is open and I am humbled to have to admit that I have, on many occasions, eaten an entire log in one sitting. I believe my record was consuming the entire thing in the duration of one Full House episode. Towards the end when Danny Tanner was teaching his lesson I had abandoned the pita chips and was simply cutting chunks off and eating them directly off the knife.

I would like to personally thank goats for making such tasty lactation. Thank you from the bottom of my salad bowl.

You're doing it. You're really doing it.

You’re doing it. You’re really doing it.

King Moe

28 Oct

I have a pet shrimp named Moe. He lives in a self contained eco-system that I keep on my living room table.

Quick science for anyone confused about the whole concept of the glass shrimp globe home: There is a plant, water and an air pocket. The plant allows for CO2 consumption and O2 excretion, algae grows due to photosynthesis and the shrimp eats the algae. I don’t officially know what happens to all the shrimp poops. It is possible that Moe lives in his own secretion. This only makes him more badass in my eyes as he does not complain.

When I first purchased my tiny aquatic world I was the proud owner of 5 shrimps. I do not know what when down or who ate someone else’s leftovers but one day Moe was the only remaining sea creature. To be fair, they all looked the same so I had named them all Moe, but now my sole survivor is King Moe. He didn’t want roommates anymore, he wanted the kingdom to himself so he is the one true ruler.

I worry he might be lonely sometimes, but whenever I check on him he is swimming happily around the sphere.

What concerns me more than anything is that I never saw any trace of remains from the other shrimp. I think Moe decided that algae was for chumps and went rogue. The issue now is that he has no meat left to feed on… which leaves the other residents of this home. That glass is thick, but is it thick enough? My only protection is the love and respect that I hope exists between Moe and myself (I worry for the dog though, she is a real wimp).

He is one gangster crustacean.


Blog Post From The 88 Lounge

27 Oct

So I couldn’t get away from being at my bar tonight. It’s a piano bar where I sing and bartend. One of my friends suggested I do a blog post from the lounge so I recorded one of the songs I sing.

Here it is for the viewing pleasure of anyone who hasn’t visited me on Monday night (if you have you’ve seen this and other songs sung by me so feel free to skip it).
Samantha sings Alicia Keys at the 88

Three Things I’ve Learned From Living Alone

27 Oct

1. I’m weird- When no one is around to hold you accountable for normal behavior, things can get pretty wacky. Recently my downstairs neighbors complimented my singing, which is flattering and humiliating all at once because it means they can hear me. A lot. I have full conversations with my pets, eat cold pizza with the fridge door open and much more.

2. Cooking for one is odd- I tend to like to cook enough for a lot of people. Large quantities of food always seem like a great idea because I love leftovers. By the end of the 8th day I’m usually ready to move on to a different dish though. Making Shepard’s Pie for one? Not worth the work, so I make enough for 20 people. I suppose I could make enough for 4 people but I like to go all in with these things.

3. Living alone is friggin’ awesome- For so many reasons:

  • Sleeping in the middle of the bed.
  • There is always hot water left.
  • All the food is mine.
  • I can decorate however I choose, even if that means a painting of a cat with a machine gun in my kitchen and a hot pink print of monsters in the living room.
  • I can change anywhere.
  • Pooping with the door open… so liberating.

Worst Ways To Wake Up In The Morning

27 Oct

I’ve been having a hard time sleeping in for some time now and many mornings I don’t feel at all refreshed. There are some things that start your day on the worst note and here are my top 5:

1. Waking up shortly before your alarm- On days when I wake up and see I have 4 minutes until my alarm goes off I will never make the reasonable choice to get up and turn the alarm off and start my day with the extra time. I know that four minutes isn’t enough time to really fall back asleep or even relax and wake up slowly, but I cannot be stopped. I feel like time is my boyfriend and we are in a huge fight and I am closing my eyes just to show him those minutes belong to me. I’m no better off for having done this but I feel so robbed. I love the feeling of waking up hours before my alarm goes off and peacefully dozing back off, knowing I have plenty of time left to dream, but that is so rarely how this goes down.

The craziest thing is that if I hadn’t set an alarm at all, when I woke up I would simply get out of bed. The feeling of not being refreshed seems to merely come from my anger at the pre set alarm time. I will not yield. I will take my four minutes every damn time.

2. Super warm bed vs. freezing cold apartment- That run from the bed to the thermostat could be a YouTube sensation if anyone ever caught me on camera. I’m like a remedial ostrich convinced that her own tail feathers were trying to kill her.



3. Nothing to eat- To everyone who skips breakfast: um… WHAT?! Are these people aware the breakfast can include (but is not limited to) eggs, bacon, waffles, pancakes, cereal, cream of wheat, lasagne, moose tracks ice cream and crab rangoon? This is the meal that defines the whole day, make it count and make it spectacular. Unless you haven’t been grocery shopping in a while and all you can find to eat is a can of refried beans and laughing cow cheese. In that case, make a cheesy bean mash up in a bowl and try not to let your tears over-salt the mixture.

4. Morning off interrupted by forgotten appointment- When I know I have somewhere to be on a given day, I have no problem. When I think I have the morning off and suddenly remember I have obligations, I get frantic. Even if I have plenty of time to get ready and even if it was something I would have formerly enjoyed, the surprise element makes me irate. If my plan was to watch Battlestar Galactica for hours with giant bowls of cereal, I take that seriously and don’t want to abandon the task. Who needs a job interview anyway? If I’m right for the position the company should just feel it in their bones and hire me sans interview. Let’s save gas and the planet here people.

5. Where am I?- This is best followed up by a shame trip to the taco bell drive-through on the drive home. I have recently learned that they don’t serve beef supreme gorditas until after 9am. However the breakfast burritos are just mediocre enough to fill your system with indignity.

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