Don’t Ask Dumb Questions

6 Jan

So a few years ago I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma and underwent treatment. I can assure you that process is filled with comedic gold, but it’s not what I’m here to talk about tonight. I simply want to vent a tiny bit about the form I now have to fill out when I get my CAT scans every few months to make sure I’m still in remission.

On the form they ask when the problem developed and I very simply put the date. Next they ask how it developed… if I could answer that I wouldn’t need the check up scans because I’d be sure to not do it anymore. Also, if I knew how it developed, I would know the cure for cancer and I sure as hell wouldn’t be spending my time hanging out at 8am at their medical center. I’d buy my own CAT scan machine and put it in my super awesome, cancer funded mansion.

Since this question baffles and annoys me, I have always put my hypotheses on the form…

Image

From my June 2012 scan

Image

From my most recent scan

Other answers not documented in photos have included:

  • Ramen noodle addiction?
  • Bad juju?
  • It didn’t really, my doctors were just extra committed to April fools that year?
  • Voldemort?

I always include the question mark at the end to express confusion and whimsy. One of the women checking me in told me on my recent visit that the lab techs might not appreciate me fooling around with their paperwork. Who’s fooling?! You ask, I’m going to give you my best guess.

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3 Responses to “Don’t Ask Dumb Questions”

  1. Frankie Wellins January 7, 2013 at 5:16 am #

    You do have a knack for turning even a bad situation into a funny anecdote.

  2. drnommy January 7, 2013 at 4:26 pm #

    I would guess your lab techs look forward to your visits — reading those forms probably isn’t usually what they do for laughs — unless, of course, it’s one of yours.

  3. Lisa Miscia January 7, 2013 at 8:38 pm #

    I suggest the following:

    -aliens
    -the cat’s dirty looks
    -exposure to stupid questions
    -foreigners
    -Foreigner

I'll bet you have something interesting to say about this... do tell!

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