The Dreaded SSS

18 Feb

I consider myself a very affectionate person and I have always participated in public displays of affection that I’m sure made the cynics of the world squirm. Yet, even though I crave romance and I’m always rooting for love there is one thing I can just never get on board with— couples who sit on the same side of the table at restaurants.

As I see it, you are out together so you can talk and interact, but isn’t that made harder by being side by side? Personally, I want to be able to see the person I’m with straight on; there can always be flirting with feet under the table if you are feeling starved for contact. The impression I get from these couples is that they are in their own little world and they don’t care if they are making others uncomfortable. Can they really not wait until they are home to be next to each other? Maybe they have abandonment issues.

The worst is when you are out on a date and the guy is a same-side-sitter (SSS as I will now call them) and I have to be rude to him within the first two minutes of our evening to tell him to please move. This isn’t to say that I don’t try to be polite about it, I might make some cute excuse like, “I just love looking into your eyes” but in reality, my mind is saying “Since you have revealed yourself to be an SSS this will be our only date, so let’s not get too attached.” I’m sorry, is this making me sound cynical? I swear I’m not, but there is something alarming about the neediness of it all that makes me feel like this guy is going to be the same one who calls me for the next ten years after our one unsuccessful date.

How uncomfortable would you be if you went to lunch with a co-worker or friend and they sat in the booth next to you, leaving the other side empty? It would be unheard of, and not simply because the relationship doesn’t call for that kind of proximity but also because it is odd to have to turn all the way to the side to talk. I get uncomfortable when I go out to meet a group and accidentally end up sitting two on a side before the others have arrived, and that is only temporary. I just don’t want anyone to think for even a second that I’m an SSS, so I might get up to use the bathroom or “stretch my legs” while I wait for the remainder of my party. Maybe now I’m sounding too paranoid and a little insane, but some of you must understand, right?SSS Meme

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4 Responses to “The Dreaded SSS”

  1. John T February 19, 2012 at 12:52 pm #

    Your poll should have an option to vote for “I’m not into it either but I’m going to try to sit next to you next time we’re at a restaurant just to mess with you.”

  2. Lisa M February 19, 2012 at 8:36 pm #

    Words cannot describe how much this creeps me out. The only time you should sit next to the only other person you’re dining with is if you’re with a child who needs you to cut up their food, or a special needs adult who needs someone to mind them. I just assume one of the two people sitting next to each other at a restaurant are special needs and require tending.

  3. drnommy February 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm #

    Me, I’m pro-choice. Though I may have stopped doing this when I was, like, 16, if other couples like to sit next to each other, it might make the fact that they can’t think of anything to say less awkward. 🙂

    For them.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Dreaded SSS: Part II | Learning to be Funny - February 20, 2012

    […] other in their booth? Did they not read my previous rant? If they are still choosing to display SSS behavior because they hadn’t read my post about it yet, that is just irresponsible. Clearly, […]

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